


heavy weather

by bijyu



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Dirty Talk, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 06:34:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13161279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bijyu/pseuds/bijyu
Summary: When Dongmin confesses to him, Bin rejects him. He ends up regretting it.





	heavy weather

**Author's Note:**

> Happy early birthday Rebs!! ❤ i hope i managed to fulfill all of your wishes :D

The air smells like rain the night Dongmin confesses to him.

  
It's been like that since the morning. Gray clouds covering the sky, tree leaves whispering in the rain, as if gossiping about what's to come, electricity hanging in the air as if the nature is only waiting to explode over the city. Bin likes rainy days, there's something both calming and refreshing to them. But this, this he doesn't like. The tension in the air is making him feel restless. Usually he naps in the van but today he wasn't able to even close his eyes.

  
"You're funny, hyung," is what Sanha told him when Bin complained about that strange feeling. The other members were asleep, except for Dongmin, who was looking through some print outs— his web drama script probably. "I can't sense anything. But then again I was never able to smell the rain, either."

  
He said it in a teasing tone, like he thought Bin was weird— Bin doesn't think it's that strange. Surely there are other people who can sense those things.

  
He wishes he was as perceptive when it came to people.

  
Bin knew Dongmin liked him. Probably more than the other members— or maybe not more, maybe just differently. They are same age friends after all, and roommates, they understand each other on a different level. There have been times when they talked all night, exchanging thoughts and worries, comforting each other.

  
But he'd never suspected Dongmin liked him like that.

  
That night, Dongmin comes back home late. Bin is still awake, playing games on his phone, and Dongmin greets him tiredly before going to shower. Bin's worried for him, he always is, but he doesn't say anything. Dongmin hardly ever gets rest. I'm greedy, I want to try everything, he says. But Bin knows it's just something he tells the members and the fans to keep them from worrying. He knows there are times Dongmin is exhausted and stressed to the point of tears. But he also knows that unless he really needs it, people's concern only makes him uncomfortable.

  
"How was the recording?" he asks when Dongmin comes back to the room. Dongmin glances at him with a smile.

  
"Ok. Just… I'm tired." He does look tired. Still pretty, though, even with the dark circles under his eyes.

  
"You're recording all day tomorrow?"

  
"Mm. I should get some rest. I'm gonna turn off the lights, okay?"

  
"Okay. Sleep well."

  
"Goodnight." Dongmin's voice is soft, filled with warmth, and a smile spreads on Bin's face.

  
But Dongmin seems to have trouble falling asleep. Bin hears him toss and turn, the sheets rustling, the bed creaking occasionally. Is there something bothering him? Or maybe he can sense it too? The tension in the air. Bin closes the game app and he's considering calling out to Dongmin, but Dongmin speaks to him first.

  
"Binnie?"

  
Funny, Bin thinks. Sometimes it's like they're connected somehow. Maybe living with someone for so long does that to you.

  
"Yeah?"

  
"You're awake?"

  
"No, obviously sleep talking," he replies teasingly. He hears Dongmin scoff.

  
"Can you come down?"

  
Instead of replying he sits up and slides off the top bunk. The floor feels cold against his bare feet. He sits down on the side of Dongmin's bed; it's dark but he can make out his features, he can see the worried glint in his eyes. What's bothering him? Whatever it is, Bin wishes he could just make it go away.

  
"Want me to get in?" He motions to the bed covers with his head. They've slept like this a few times, when they felt lonely or anxious.

  
"No, I…" Dongmin pauses, looking away, and the silence feels strangely heavy. "I need to tell you something."

  
Bin smiles and reaches out to pat Dongmin's arm. To his surprise, he tenses under the touch. Maybe it startled him, that admittedly happens a lot to Dongmin.

  
"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

  
Dongmin doesn't react to his reassuring tone, doesn't return his smile.

  
"I've been thinking about it a lot. And I waited for my feelings to change but it seems like it's not happening. So I decided it'll be better to tell you."

  
Bin frowns. The way Dongmin is acting it seems like it's something bad. But what? Is he angry at him? Did he get in trouble?

  
"I like you," Dongmin blurts out, the words rushed, filled with embarrassment. Bin freezes. Like, as in… but the way Dongmin said it, the way he's not meeting Bin's eyes…

  
"What, you mean-"

  
"I like you," Dongmin says again and he sounds sad now. "I'm sorry. You don't have to— I just wanted you to know. I thought that maybe…" He pauses, ducking his head, clearly embarrassed. "But I knew the chances were small so just… don't worry about it."

  
Bin doesn't know what to say, there are too many thoughts running through his head. Dongmin likes him? The idea seems impossible. Dongmin is so pretty he could have anyone. And while Bin isn't self-conscious about his looks or anything… why him? It's not even about liking a boy. Bin knows people with different preferences and it doesn't bother him at all. He had no idea Dongmin liked guys, though. The members talk about girls sometimes, like most boys do, and Dongmin takes part in those conversations.

  
Then again, Dongmin never seemed that interested. When asked, he usually smiled and said, "Me?", the way he tends to do when he's not sure how to answer a question. And then he came up with some noncommittal answer like, "Twice members are all very cute" or something like that. Bin never found that suspicious, he just assumed Dongmin wasn't that interested in dating. But now…

  
Bin would be lying if he said he never entertained that thought, it'd be impossible not to with all the "Which member would you date if you were a girl" questions they get in interviews, and with knowing that fans like to see them together that way. And Dongmin is just beautiful, the kind of good looking anyone would notice, never mind their sexuality. Bin definitely noticed when they met first. He had a crush of sorts for a while. But it faded away, acting on it never even crossed his mind.

  
Dongmin is his best friend, he knows him too well. Bin never let his feelings go further than that. It just didn't seem worth it. Too much trouble. Friendship is safer and simpler than romantic relationships.

  
Just how much does Dongmin like him to take that risk? It can't be a mere crush. Dongmin is too rational, he wouldn't confess if it wasn't serious. So…

  
"Are you going to say something or-" Dongmin sounds tense, nervous. Bin feels bad but he has no idea how to react.

  
"I just… wasn't expecting that."

  
"I understand." Dongmin furrows his brows. "Maybe I shouldn't have— but it's too late. Just don't think about it, okay?"

  
Impossible, Bin thinks. Still, he feels like rejecting Dongmin outright would make things too serious, will make him feel awful. But what else can he do? There's no way he can be with him like that, the idea is just too strange.

  
"I'm sorry," he says softly. "But I just can't… you're my best friend."

  
"It's fine." Dongmin is looking anywhere but at him and his voice shakes a little. Bin's heart breaks. He reaches out, wanting to comfort him but Dongmin pushes his hand away. "I'll be fine tomorrow, okay? Right now just— leave me alone, please."

  
"Okay." Bin immediately stands up. He has no idea what else to do. He wants to hold Dongmin but he understands it wouldn't be appreciated, that right now he's the last person Dongmin wants around. "Just… tell me if you need anything."

  
Dongmin nods silently, hiding his eyes behind his hand. Bin has no other choice but to leave him and go back to his bunk.

  
His heart is thumping in his chest and even though Dongmin is trying to be quiet, Bin can hear his shuddered breath. He might be crying. But even if he's not, he's definitely not sleeping. Bin feels like a piece of shit.

  
Only when the rain finally falls the exhaustion takes over and he's able to fall asleep.

  
***

  
At first it seems nothing has changed. Dongmin still wakes Bin up when they have schedules, they still talk and joke around. But it's like there's something hanging in the air between them. Bin wonders if he's the only one who can sense it. It's fine when the others are around but once left alone… something is different. They still talk about trivial things like food or schedule but before they used to crack the dumbest jokes around each other or have deep philosophical talks about abstract things before sleep.

  
But these days, when Bin lies in bed waiting for sleep to take over Bin can't help but remember Dongmin's confession. Does he still like me? Does he still feel sad about it? Those thoughts haunt him every night. And though he wants to talk to Dongmin, really talk to him, he just can't. Dongmin makes no attempt to start a conversation either. And this isn't the only thing that changes between them.

  
The other thing is the touches— or the lack of them. It used to be natural for them to hug and touch each other, to hold hands. Dongmin doesn't initiate skinship with others very often but it's not like he never does it. These days, though, he avoids touching Bin, and when it happens accidentally he tenses up and moves away. He even apologizes to him once after, maybe out of habit, he grabbed Bin's hand. Bin is so dumbfounded by the apology he doesn't reply at all. But with Dongmin acting like this, it becomes awkward for Bin to touch him as well. So he doesn't do it anymore.

  
And that makes him feel terrible. His heart squeezes painfully every time he instinctively reaches for him only to pull back. Dongmin is his best friend, he loves him more than anyone, and the thought of losing the connection they have is unbearable.

  
So he tries to do something about it.

  
It's late evening and he feels sleepy but he stays up waiting for Dongmin to finish his vlive. He watches him, just as he often does, looks at him smile and laugh at the comments and his own jokes, listens to him talk about everything and nothing in particular. But instead of the usual fondness he feels when he watches Dongmin's silly antics, there's anxiety. His heart is heavy. He's restless, he knows he won't be able to stop thinking about it until they resolve the situation. He's just not the type to wait for problems to solve themselves.

  
So he waits, nervously tapping hearts on the video. Soon Dongmin wraps up the broadcast but it takes him some time to get back to the dorms from the company building. Bin wonders if he was revising his drama script again.

  
When Dongmin enters the room he's seems a bit taken aback to see Bin sitting on his bed. But the surprise painted on his face quickly changes to a smile.

  
"You're still awake? You shouldn't stay up so late, Binnie."

  
"Like you're one to talk."

  
"I have to do many vlives as naver assistant manager," Dongmin jokes reaching for his pajamas, hidden under the pillow. Bin is not sure if he's just imagining it or Dongmin is avoiding looking him in the eye.

  
"We need to talk," Bin says.

  
Dongmin hums, clutching the clothes to his chest and looking to the door. "What about? Can I shower first?"

  
He looks tired. He sounds tired and Bin feels guilty for a split of a second but he can't just let that go.

  
"It won't take long. Dongmin-ah, can you look at me?"

  
Dongmin does and he's smiling again but Bin knows that smile. The one he puts on around strangers, like a barrier protecting him from their curiosity, their judgment. The one reserved for the perfect, polite, composed Cha Eunwoo.

  
Seeing it directed at him makes Bin scowl. "You've been avoiding me."

  
"What?" Dongmin lets out a short, forced laugh. "We're together all the time."

  
"You know what I mean. I- don't want us to drift apart. Look, whatever you feel for me, it doesn't bother me, okay? But it bothers me that you won't touch me, won't talk to me— and I mean, really talk, won't look me in the eye. I can't stand it."

  
Dongmin's smile fades. He looks away and he's quiet for a moment and Bin's heart seems to be thumping in his ears it's so loud. He's scared, so scared of losing him.

  
"I know," he finally says, voice soft. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry."

  
"I told you, that's not the problem-"

  
"I understand. That it doesn't bother you. But it's difficult for me. I just need some time. I thought I could handle it but- I just need to get used to- feeling like this. I'm sorry, Binnie."

  
Bin doesn't know what to say to that. Dongmin really does sound sorry, he sounds downright miserable, and the last thing Bin wants is for him to blame himself. He doesn't need any additional burden. And Bin does understand that feelings aren't rational, that sometimes you can't help the way you feel.

  
"How much time?" he asks, unable to stop his voice from quivering.

  
"I don't know. But I'll try- and if you need to talk to me about anything, I'm here, okay?"

  
"Okay," Bin says, though his throat feels tight. He wants to reach out and hold Dongmin's hand but he doesn't. He's going to respect his wishes.

  
Dongmin finally looks at him and smiles and this time it's really him— it's a shy, tired smile but it's his Dongmin. "I really don't deserve you."

  
Bin huffs, shaking his head. He wants to protest, he's sure it's the other way around, but he's afraid that if he keeps talking he might cry.

  
So he doesn't say anything. He just smiles back and lets Dongmin go, hoping it's for the best.

  
***

  
Weeks pass like this, with them tiptoeing around each other. It's easier not to think about it when they're promoting, though. But after the promotion ends, Bin is left feeling strangely empty.

  
The New Year's break helps Bin sort out his feelings. He spends most of it just eating, sleeping and exercising, focusing on restoring his energy. He doesn't contact the members much. The group chat is quite lively but his private chat with Dongmin is quiet. He doesn't respond on the group chat either. Bin wonders what he's up to. He wants to ask, normally they exchange at least a few messages a day when they're away for holidays. But Dongmin wanted some space and Bin doesn't want to bother him.

  
He sends only one message, on the second day. A simple _How are you?_ But he gets no reply. Bin switches to the group chat and scrolls through a few messages of Sanha and Myungjun making fun of Jinwoo's picture with a fish he's caught. Apart from that, there's nothing. He locks his phone and throws it on the bed next to him. He knows Dongmin isn't ignoring them. He loves the members. If he's not replying he's either too busy or not feeling well. Physically or mentally.

  
Bin hopes that's not the case.

  
He sighs and rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling as if it can solve his problems. He misses Dongmin, painfully so. But if he's the reason why he's feeling bad…

  
They're moving dorms after the holidays. It takes Bin a long time of thinking about it but eventually he makes up his mind; he knows what he has to do.

  
***

  
When they get back to the dorms, it's only to pack everything so that they can move. As they clean up their room, Dongmin tells Bin what he's been up to.

  
"I mostly slept," he says, a bit sheepish.

  
"What, you? Are you actually human after all?"

  
Dongmin looks up from his suitcase just to glare at him— or attempt to because he's smiling the next moment. "I do feel a bit regretful about it. I wanted to do things but the bed my parents bought is really big and comfortable…"

  
"You shouldn't feel regretful," Bin says, a gentle reprimand. Dongmin can handle lack of sleep better than most people but sometimes he pushes himself way too far just because there's always he wants or needs to do. "Rest is important too."

  
"Coming from you, I'm not sure I can trust it."

  
"For your information I only slept through half the holidays!"

  
"Wow, I'm impressed you woke up at all."

  
Bin pokes his side at that and Dongmin squeals and jumps away. "Don't do that!"

  
Bin almost starts tickling him but then he notices the blush on Dongmin's face, and he remembers the unspoken no touching rule. Dongmin seems more comfortable around him now so for a moment he forgot things are different now. Falling quiet, he returns to packing his clothes into his suitcase.

  
Perhaps Dongmin is more relaxed because he was able to spend some time away from Bin. Perhaps it really is what he needs to get over him. Bin is not happy about it but he understands. In the end, he wants what's best for Dongmin.

  
***

  
"So I'm guessing Bin and Dongmin want to room together," Jinwoo says once they're in the new dorm, surrounded by suitcases and boxes. It's a spacious two level apartment— two double rooms downstairs, one double and one single room upstairs. The single room is reserved for the manager so all they need to do is choose roommates.

  
"Uh, actually," Bin speaks up, "I want to room with Minhyuk."

  
There's a moment of silence and Bin can feel everyone staring at him. Before he can stop himself, his eyes instinctively move to Dongmin and he manages to catch a glimpse of surprise and something else he can't identify on Dongmin's face before it fades to a neutral expression and Dongmin looks away.

  
"Are you sure?" Jinwoo frowns.

  
"Yeah. We have some catching up to do." He grins at Minhyuk but the latter just furrows his brows, as if he's trying to solve a particularly difficult puzzle.

  
"Then I want to room with M-hyung!" Sanha announces happily.

  
"You two are going to be too noisy," Jinwoo says but he's smiling fondly and it's obvious he's not intending to protest. "Guess it's us two again then, huh?" he adds, glancing at Dongmin. Bin briefly wonders what he means by that but then he remembers Astro Project. Back then he considered those room arrangements weird. Anything that didn't put him with Dongmin was weird. But now he made that strange arrangement happen again.

  
Dongmin doesn't respond, he just smiles. It looks a bit strained but Bin figures he must be tired. He's worried about him. These days it seems to be a constant feeling.

  
"Dongmin and I are going to take the room upstairs," Jinwoo decides. "You guys choose however you like."

  
"Next to the bathroom!" Myungjun calls. Bin just shrugs at that, he doesn't care either way. He picks up his luggage and heads to the room opposite of the kitchen.

  
***

  
"What happened between you and Eunwoo hyung?"

  
Bin slowly opens his eyes. Minhyuk is lying in his bed facing him; Bin is thankful that the rooms are big enough for regular beds instead of bunk beds but if it were bunk beds Minhyuk wouldn't be able to see him and Bin could pretend he was asleep.

  
He's tired but he can't sleep. The apartment is freshly renovated, and the scent of paint still clings to everything, and it's torture for his sensitive nose. But more than that, his thoughts aren't letting him sleep. He wonders if Dongmin is awake and if so, what he's thinking about. If he's happy with the roommate change. Bin hopes he is but at the same time, the thought makes him unbearably sad. They used to be inseparable.

  
Screw love and romance, it only messes everything up.

  
"Nothing," he says, hoping Minhyuk will get the hint. He doesn't.

  
"I'm not stupid, hyung. Normally you'd rather die than pick someone over Dongmin hyung."

  
"That's not true." Minhyuk is a close friend, he's important to him too. He doesn't want him to feel like a second choice. But at the same time he realizes it must often look like this. Dongmin is just really special to him. "You know I like you too."

  
Minhyuk smiles, placated. "Maybe. But there's still something different about the way you act. Usually you two are glued to each other. So. What happened?"

  
Bin considers it briefly, just telling Minhyuk the truth. But it doesn't seem fair to Dongmin. He probably doesn't want anyone to know.

  
"We had an argument."

  
Minhyuk frowns. "About what?"

  
"Nothing in particular." Bin fakes a yawn, trying to avoid further questions. "Can we talk some other time? I'm sleepy."

  
"Well, whatever it was, you better sort it out soon." Minhyuk sounds worried and it only makes Bin feel guiltier. "Dongmin-hyung… he really likes you, you know. Like a lot."

  
"Yeah," Bin says softly, closing his eyes. "I know."

  
He wishes he also knew what to do about it.

  
***

  
They're busy practicing for the upcoming tour and preparing for another comeback but Bin is painfully aware of the distance between them growing further. There's simply no time to do anything about it. But before he falls asleep, the worry comes to him. Dongmin seems to be avoiding being alone with him and when they're together with the members, he's distant, not reacting to whatever Bin says. He barely ever looks at Bin, if at all.

  
It hurts but there's nothing he can do about it. He just focuses on practice. Regardless of how he feels emotionally, he can't mess this up, he has to do his best. And for a few days, thing are stable. Not good, but not terrible. And then something happens.

  
Even though he's beat he has trouble sleeping that night. He keeps tossing and turning, waking up suddenly, as if startled awake by a nightmare— except he doesn't remember having one. It's rare for him to have restless sleep, usually he sleeps like a log, so he has no idea how to handle it. Eventually he decides to get up and get some herbal tea, something Dongmin sometimes drinks when he has trouble sleeping.

  
The tiles feel cold against his feet as he walks into the kitchen. He switches the light on and squints his eyes, trying to get accustomed to the brightness. He finds the herbs on an upper shelf next to the stove. He smiles; it's just like Dongmin to put things in a similar place even after moving dorms.

  
As he heats up the water, he wonders if Dongmin is sleeping well now. He tends to get anxious before a comeback, and his insomnia gets worse. Sometimes Bin would talk to him for nearly an hour before he fell asleep. Talking usually helped him. Bin can only hope Jinwoo does that for him too.

  
As he's sitting at the table sipping on his tea, he hears the front door open. He's confused for a moment but then he remembers. Jinwoo and Dongmin stayed longer in the dance studio. He didn't know they stayed that long.

  
He expects them to go upstairs but instead they linger in the living room, talking about something. He can only hear fragments of their hushed conversation.

  
"…can't… think he hates me." Dongmin sounds tense, his voice unsteady.

  
"Have you tried… him?"

  
"I don't think…"

  
"… never too late."

  
And then they stop talking. They still don't move upstairs, though. Forgetting the tea, pushed by curiosity, Bin quietly leaves the kitchen and peeks into the living room.

  
Just a glance is enough for him to step back, shocked. They're sitting on the sofa, Jinwoo is holding Dongmin in his arms, patting his back and Dongmin is— he's crying. From here, Bin can hear his soft sobs, and even though Dongmin is trying to stay quiet, he sounds so sad, like he's in pain.

  
Bin has seen Dongmin cry before, when he got worried, anxious, when he doubted himself, when he missed home. It hurt Bin every time. But not like this. The conversation he overheard… is he the reason for Dongmin's tears?

  
He curls his hands into fists, his fingernails digging into his palms. He can't stand it. His throat feels tight and his stomach twists painfully and he feels like he might start crying too. But he can't move and he just stays there in the hallway, listening, until Dongmin's sobs quiet down and he can only hear Jinwoo's tender, comforting words.

  
Only then he goes back to his room, promising himself he'll talk to Dongmin tomorrow, no matter what.

  
***

  
Needless to say, Dongmin is surprised when Bin peeks into his room first thing in the morning. The door is open ajar, Jinwoo left it like this when he went to shower, so Bin only gives it a brief knock before stepping inside.

  
Dongmin is sitting on the edge of the bed, already dressed in comfortable practice clothes, his hair still damp from the shower. He's scrolling through something on his phone; he looks up from it when Bin enters. The face he makes might've been funny in any other situation but not now, and especially not when Bin can see how red and puffy his eyes are. Did he sleep at all? Did he cry all night?

  
"Good morning," Dongmin says, his expression shifting into that polite smile. "Do you need something?"

  
"We need to talk."

  
Dongmin furrows his brows delicately, as if he's genuinely confused, as if he didn't notice something is off. Bin really hates all these carefully researched expressions.

  
"What about?"

  
"Yesterday... you cried. What happened?"

  
Dongmin drops his eyes to the floor. Other than that, he barely reacts. He's quiet for a moment and once he speaks, he sounds tired.

  
"I was stressed because of the comeback. Nothing to worry about."

  
Bin can tell he's lying, or not telling the whole truth. But he supposes two can play the game.

  
"You used to talk to me about your problems."

  
A hesitant pause. "I thought you were asleep."

  
"You know this is not the reason."

  
"Well, what do you want me to say?!" Dongmin's head snaps up and he looks at him, eyes narrowed, face flushed. Dongmin gets angry often enough but it still surprises Bin at times. That fire in his eyes. In a way, it's fascinating, he likes seeing it even though he doesn't want Dongmin to be upset, ever. "You're the one who's not talking to me! You don't even want to share a room with me anymore! If you're so grossed out by me, I assume you don't want me to confide in you!"

  
Grossed out? Bin gapes at him, dumbstruck. How the hell did Dongmin come to such a conclusion? The worst thing is, Dongmin sounds hurt. Not just irritated, but like he's angry because he's been wronged. Like he really believes what he's saying. Bin remembers how hard he cried yesterday and the memory makes his heart clench. Does he really believe Bin hates him?

  
"You needed space," he tries to explain calmly. "I gave it to you. That was the only reason."

  
"I needed- what the hell, Bin! Who told you so? Because I sure didn't. Just admit it, you don't want me around!"

  
"What? That's not true!"

  
"Well, then I don't want you around!" Dongmin's voice breaks at the last word. There are tears in his eyes again. "Just leave me alone, I don't need your fucking pity!"

  
Something inside Bin snaps at that. His anger, though, is rarely explosive. Instead, it's freezing cold. Scary, according to Sanha. He grits his teeth, clenches his fists and tries to calm down. The last thing he wants to do is to say something cruel and make things worse.

  
"Fine," he utters finally, then turns on his heel and leaves the room.

  
He's going to leave Dongmin the fuck alone.

  
***

  
His anger makes it easy to stick to his resolve throughout the day and he completely avoids Dongmin. He doesn't spare him a single glance. But in the evening, when the exhaustion after a long day of practice takes over, the anger turns into sadness.

  
Minhyuk is not at the dorms, he's in the practice room working on choreography for one of their side tracks. Myungjun orders takeout food and they eat it watching a rerun of a silly variety show. Myungjun and Sanha keep chatting and laughing happily, Jinwoo occasionally joins them but he seems distracted. Dongmin chews on his food in silence. Bin wonders if he's still mad at him. Dongmin's anger usually burns out very quickly but in this situation…

  
And Bin really doesn't know what to do anymore. He tried talking to Dongmin, it didn't end well. He feels helpless and even though it's a scary, for the first time he thinks about giving up. Surely not all groups are best friends. Surely they can be civil with each other until their contract ends, pretend to be close in front of the cameras.

  
But as he thinks about it, the food seems to lose all its taste. He can't even swallow it. He puts the container away.

  
"I'm full, thanks for the meal."

  
Myungjun glances at his half full box and Bin is sure he's going to make a ruckus about him not finishing his food, but to his surprise he doesn't comment on it. Instead he looks back at the TV screen and cracks a joke about the show that makes Sanha almost choke on his noodles.

  
Bin's plan is lying in bed reading a webtoon on his phone before he falls asleep. But as he scrolls through it, his vision blurs and wavers and before he knows he's crying. He curls up, clutching the phone in his hand, and cries like a baby, but the tears seem to do nothing to lessen the pain in his chest. He can't do this anymore. He misses Dongmin too much. Just talking to him, joking, seeing him smile.  
How is he supposed to go on without it? Who knew they would end up hurting each other like this?

  
He doesn't know when he falls asleep but it feels like he only slept five minutes when he wakes up to a touch on his shoulder and urgent whispers. He thinks it's Minhyuk at first, and he doesn't react, but then he hears "Binnie, wake up"— and he realizes it's Dongmin.

  
He lifts himself up to a sitting position and turns to him, confused. "What?" he rasps, and frowns at the roughness of his voice. Crying was never good for him.

  
"We should talk. Can I sit here?" Dongmin's voice is trembling and it wakes Bin up completely. He's tense, he looks almost scared.

  
He nods and Dongmin sits on the edge of the bed. He's not looking at Bin now, his eyes are fixed on his hands. He raises his thumb to his lips, biting at his fingernail, and, automatically, Bin reaches to pull his hand away.

  
"Don't do that," he chides gently. Dongmin looks up at him, then down at their hands. He doesn't pull away.

  
"Binnie, I'm sorry." Dongmin sounds choked up, like he's close to tears, and it physically hurts Bin to see him like this. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry. You have the right- to want to be away from me, and I-"

  
"But I don't want to." Dongmin sniffs, not replying, as if he still doesn't believe it, and Bin can feel a shade of the frustration and pain he felt before return. He can't stand the thought of Dongmin feeling like Bin doesn't want him around. He cups Dongmin's chin, tilting his face up. "Look at me." Dongmin meets his eyes— his eyelashes are wet. "I don't want to be away from you. I thought you felt more comfortable without me, that's why I…"

  
Dongmin takes in a shuddered breath. "I was- I was fine, after New Year's. I felt that… I just want to be with you, I don't care in what way."

  
He closes his eyes and Bin can feel wetness against his palm where it's pressed to Dongmin's cheek. He gently wipes Dongmin's tears away. He only wants him to cry happy tears.

  
"Guess we were both just stupid," he says softly. "Listen, I could never be disgusted by you, you're beautiful and amazing and you're my best friend." His cheeks burn as he says the words but Dongmin needs to hear them, he needs to know. "I really missed you."

  
Dongmin makes a small, strangled noise and the next second Bin finds himself tackled down to the bed with Dongmin on top of him. He laughs, wrapping his arms around him, hugging him. It's warm. He's missed this so much, just being close to him.

  
"Let's not ever argue like that again," Dongmin sniffs, his voice muffled by Bin's shirt. His weight is heavy on top of Bin but he doesn't mind at all. It feels nice. "I was scared that- that we really wouldn't make up."

  
Bin pushes away the doubts he himself had. It was silly but when you're upset you tend to imagine the worst scenarios.

  
"Even if we argue again, we will always make up."

  
"You promise?"

  
Bin chuckles, patting Dongmin's back. "I promise."

  
***

  
"I'm sorry," Bin says sheepishly, glancing at Minhyuk apologetically. Minhyuk just shrugs as he packs his stuff into the suitcase to move it to the upstairs room.

  
"Don't be. I knew Eunwoo hyung wouldn't survive rooming with someone else for long." He grins. "I'm just glad you two made up, the tension was unbearable."

  
Bin scratches his neck, nervous. Despite Minhyuk's reassurance, he still feels bad. He knows Dongmin also feels guilty about it, he was very hesitant when asking Bin if a change was possible. But it's Bin's fault, he suggested a different room arrangement in the first place, he's the one who should apologize for the unnecessary complications.

  
"Just so you know, I really appreciate you, you know? And I liked rooming with you, it's just that-"

  
"I get it, hyung, stop looking so guilty, you're making me uncomfortable." Despite the words, the look Minhyuk gives Bin is warm and kind. Bin is relieved. He really does love Minhyuk and he didn't want to upset him. Seems he didn't need to worry at all. "Can you help me carry this stuff?"

  
Bin lets out a sigh, allowing his worriers to leave along with it. "Sure!"

  
***

  
After that, things go back to normal. Or so Bin would like to think.

  
They're busy preparing for the USA fanmeet tour and recording songs the new album. Dongmin gets more solo schedules and sometimes he comes back to the dorms very late and completely exhausted. Often Bin is asleep when Dongmin gets back. Sometimes he's awake and he can see how tired Dongmin is; he wishes he could comfort him but he doesn't know what to say, doesn't want to be overbearing.

  
Sometimes he just hugs him and Dongmin seems to appreciate those moments, loosely wrapping his arms around Bin's middle, resting his cheek on his shoulder, leaning on him. Bin rubs his back and tells him "you did well" and Dongmin just laughs softly but he seems happy to hear it. The way his eyes shine when he pulls back, smiling at Bin— Bin would like to see that light in his eyes all the time.

  
These things aren't new. But there is something different about the way Bin feels. At first it's just thoughts, and they only appear occasionally. Dongmin is not obvious about it most of the time and he's not awkward anymore, but sometimes there are those little things, like the way his breath catches when Bin touches him, or how his cheeks turn red when Bin smiles at him. It's brief and Dongmin usually quickly covers it up but Bin notices. Strangely enough, it makes him smile when he does. Like he spotted something valuable, a pretty seashell in the sand, a bright star in the sky.

  
He really likes me, huh, he thinks. He doesn't understand the feeling that accompanies those thoughts. He decides he's just flattered and that makes him feel guilty; in the end Dongmin is in love with him and it's probably not easy for him. Bin shouldn't feel good about it just because it boosts his confidence.

  
He tries to push those emotions down but they only seem to get stronger as time passes. He likes it, how easy it is for him to get Dongmin flustered, likes the way Dongmin pays just a bit more attention to him than to the others. But more than anything, he likes the tenderness he sees in his eyes.

  
It catches him off guard one day, when they're on the way to Seoul from a music festival in some town or another. They just got back in the car after eating at a rest stop and as the engine starts, Dongmin reaches his hand out and wipes something— bread crumbs?— from the corner of Bin's mouth.

  
The way he looks at Bin as he does it, his eyes warm and a small smile playing at his lips— Bin freezes because all of sudden he finds himself wondering what it'd be like to lean in and press his lips to Dongmin's.

  
He only realizes he's staring when Dongmin withdraws his hand and looks away, flustered. He must have read Bin's dumbfounded expression as a negative reaction to the affection— the thought scares Bin, he doesn't want Dongmin to get all awkward around him again. On an impulse, he catches Dongmin's hand, wrapping his own around it. Dongmin blinks up at him, surprised, and Bin just smiles, pulling his hand into his lap. Eventually, Dongmin smiles back. It's soft and he still looks flustered, but he doesn't pull away.

  
They end up holding hands like this all the way home. It feels nice, and Bin wonders— is this okay or is playing with Dongmin's heart? And just what exactly his feelings for Dongmin are?

  
***

  
Soon he gets a clue as to how he feels. It's when they're sitting in Dongmin's bed, watching a Japanese animated movie on Dongmin's tablet. The main character, a high school student, is in one-sided love with her best friend. The plot hits too close to home and Bin can feel the air between him and Dongmin fill with tension. It's awkward to watch the heroine get flustered over every little thing her friend does. He can't help but wonder if Dongmin feels the same.

  
He doesn't mean to say it out loud, though, but the awkward atmosphere is getting to him and nothing else comes to his mind. He figures maybe it's better to turn the situation into a joke; he doesn't want any tension between them.

  
"So do you feel that way around me?" he asks with a smile. He can feel Dongmin tense beside him for a second; he glances at Bin, sees his relaxed smile and he exhales with a soft laugh.

  
"Maybe a bit," he admits, eyes shifting back to the screen. Bin notices him picking at the hem of his pajama pants. "I'm trying to get over it. Sorry if it makes things a little awkward sometimes."

  
Get over it, Bin repeats in his mind. Dongmin means falling out of love. That was what Bin wanted at first but now when he thinks about it…

  
It means he wouldn't be special to Dongmin anymore. In a best friend way, yes, but not in the way Bin has been noticing recently. If Dongmin falls out of love, he won't get flustered easily around him anymore, won't look at him with that warmth in his eyes anymore.

  
The thought scares him. He almost wants tell Dongmin not to try anymore, but… how selfish would that be? If he doesn't love him back, he can't ask him to keep loving him, that's just cruel. More than anything, he wants Dongmin to be happy with someone who loves him back.

  
But at the same time, he doesn't want Dongmin to think his feelings bother him in any way. Because they don't.

  
"It's not awkward," he says softly. Dongmin turns to look at him, surprised. "It's not awkward so… you don't need to try, not for my sake."

  
Dongmin stares at him for a moment, and then his eyes light up, his lips curl into a smile. He looks away.

  
"When you say things like that, it only makes me love you more," he mumbles, a slight complaint in his voice. When Bin looks at him, he ducks his head, his face turning red. Bin smiles at how cute he is. Once again has the urge to just— kiss him. And the way his heart is pounding in his chest….

  
God, he's been such an idiot. He remembers the crush he'd had on Dongmin before they became friends. He thought he got over it but... Did he really?

  
He wants to say something, talk to Dongmin, but he decides he needs to think it through first. He needs to be sure. He can't hurt him again, not ever.

  
***

  
He doesn't need to think about it much. His heart seems to already know.

  
He keeps noticing things. Things that he loves about Dongmin. The way he is right after waking up, his messy hair and deep voice. The way he gets excited about little things, his face flushing, his eyes lighting up. The way he laughs, warm and full of joy. The mischievous twinkle in his eyes when he's playing a prank or teasing and the way he runs away like a kid, pleading Bin not to tickle him. The way he whines cutely when Bin teases him. The way he looks when he's serious about something, a steady, determined light in his eyes.

  
The way he smiles at Bin, his eyes saying "I love you".

  
All of these things make his heart beat faster. Make him want to pull Dongmin into his arms and kiss him senseless. But he still hesitates. He's not the type to overthink but this is not something he can just rush into. They're best friends, and they're a part of Astro. He needs to take those things into consideration. What happens when they get together? Does he really want that change?

  
Every time he asks himself that question, his heart says yes. And yet he stays quiet. He's almost content like this, just having Dongmin by his side. Almost. Because more than anything, he wants Dongmin to be happy. And the more he watches him, the more apparent it is, how much Dongmin loves him. Deeply, selflessly, not expecting anything in return.

  
He wants to give him something in return. Scratch that, he wants to give him the world.

  
But… he still doesn't say anything.

  
And then, the dreams appear.

  
Sexual dreams aren't anything unusual to him. And he'd had dreams like these about Dongmin a few times, before they got close. But those were random and forgettable. It's different now. The dreams he gets are intense and the worst thing is he can remember the details. The way Dongmin's skin feels under his fingertips, the wet brush of his tongue against Bin's, the small sounds he makes. How his fingers dig into Bin's arms when Bin pushes into him, the way he feels around him, hot and tight. His flushed face and the desperation in his voice when he pleads Bin to fuck him harder.

  
Every time he wakes up all hot and bothered, and so hard he can't just ignore it and go back to sleep. He's used to jerking off in the shower but it feels much different, doing it in bed with Dongmin sleeping just a few feet away from him.

  
He gets himself off quickly, biting his lip to stay completely quiet, thinking of what he saw and felt in his dreams— and more. He feels guilty about it afterwards. He doesn't even know if Dongmin would like the things he imagines, if he would do or say those things. He has no idea what he likes in bed.

  
He knows what he himself likes, though. And he can't stop himself from thinking about it. It's not that bad when those thoughts come to him at night. It's worse when he gets them during the day. One moment he's focusing on practice, the next he's thinking what it'd be like to lift Dongmin up and fuck him against the wall. Or worse, one moment he's thinking how cute Dongmin is and how much he wants to hold him and kiss him and the next moment Dongmin stretches, a stripe of pale skin showing above the waistband of his pants and Bin wants to bend him over the kitchen counter and take him right there.

  
It's distracting and frustrating. And since Bin's method of relieving stress is working out he ends up spending even more time on it than usual. After moving dorms they also got access to personal well equipped gym and Bin is all the more thankful now; with more exercise options he doesn't get bored of it at all.

  
At least now he has absolutely no doubt he likes Dongmin like that. His heart, mind and his dick all seem to agree.

  
But he's still not sure what to do about it.

  
"Pinocchio, what should I do?" he asks the AI device one evening after an intense workout. He ordered takeout chicken, deciding he earned it after exercising for so long, but now that it got here, his thoughts are distracting him from enjoying the food the way he usually does. Pinocchio is sitting on the kitchen table— they rarely use it nowadays, as it usually happens with mostly useless electronic devices after the novelty wears off. "I think I fell in love with my best friend."

  
Pinocchio is quiet for a moment and Bin thinks it didn't register his words, but then it answers:

  
"I will play Best Friend by Jason Chen," it informs him. Bin snorts, then sighs. What was he expecting?

  
He lets the song play, returning to his chicken, munching on it unenthusiastically and staring at the wall as if it could provide answers. It's how Jinwoo finds him when he walks into the kitchen a minute later.

  
It takes Jinwoo just a few seconds to analyze the situation— then he gives a heavy sigh.

  
"Just tell him."

  
Bin almost chokes on his chicken. "W-what?" he looks up at Jinwoo, baffled. How does he know? What gave it away? His expression? The dumb song?

  
Jinwoo furrows his brows, reaching for one of the water bottles stocked under the table.

  
"It's no wonder Dongmin confessed to you," he says as he straightens up. "That he had hope. The way you act around him? From the start, M hyung and I thought that maybe, maybe you liked him. And recently it only became more obvious."

  
"What?" Bin repeats, mind blank.

  
"Do you even realize? That you treat him differently? Like he's… I don't know, precious or something."

  
Bin swallows nervously, deciding there's no use playing dumb at this point. "But- the group-"

  
Jinwoo shakes his head, smiling kindly. "We all just want you to be happy."

  
Bin is quiet for a moment, considering the words. He's thankful to Jinwoo but still. He's afraid of hurting Dongmin again.

  
"I guess I'm just worried," he mumbles. "If I can really make Dongminnie happy."

  
"See, this is why I trust you." Jinwoo pats his shoulder reassuringly. "You care about him so much. I know you won't treat the relationship lightly."

  
Bin finally smiles. "Thanks for the advice, mom," he replies, a light teasing tone to his voice. Jinwoo pays it no mind.

  
"Just don't take too long. Dongmin, he- he really likes you a lot, you know?"

  
"…Yeah." Bin knows, he knows that very well. After all, it's exactly what made him hesitate all this time.

  
***

  
Of course, Dongmin eventually notices that something is off, that Bin has been spending a lot of time away from their room. And typically for him, he's eager to make things right and he approaches Bin about it.

  
"Binnie?" he asks, watching Bin gather his gym outfit into his backpack. "Can we talk?"

  
Bin turns to him, startled. Dongmin looks cute, wearing an oversized hoodie with the hood on, something that keeps him warm during winter. The hood has small, white, round ears. It makes Bin smile every time he looks at Dongmin.

  
"Uh, sure?"

  
"Where are you going?"

  
Bin cocks a brow; the answer is obvious enough. "Gym."

  
Dongmin pauses, biting his lip. "You've been exercising a lot recently." He reaches out and runs his hands up and down Bin's arms. "It's really showing."

  
Bin's mouth turns dry. For a moment he can't quite find his voice because his mind helpfully supplies him with images of other ways he can show Dongmin the effects of his workout routine. Like pinning him to the bed and fucking him senseless, not letting him move an inch. He feels himself flush and he awkwardly clears his throat.

  
"Well, it's a good thing, right?"

  
Dongmin's eyes widen slightly and he looks away. Is he blushing? "Um, yes. But. Is something troubling you?"

  
"Why would you think that?"

  
"Because…" Dongmin is not facing him but Bin can see the worry painted on his face too clearly. "I feel like you've been avoiding me..."

  
Bin is already opening his mouth to protest— he's really not avoiding Dongmin he's just sexually frustrated— but then he realizes Dongmin is doing it again. Overthinking, doubting himself, worrying that Bin doesn't want him around.

  
And he can't stand it anymore, he doesn't want Dongmin to feel like that ever again. It's all his fault, every time, and the fact he's hesitating only makes it worse. He needs to let Dongmin know just how much he cares for him.

  
He gently cups Dongmin's cheek and tilts his face so that their eyes meet. He swallows nervously. His hand is shaking slightly as he brushes his thumb over Dongmin's cheekbone.

  
"Min…" Dongmin is looking at him, his eyes impossibly wide, completely still, waiting. Bin doesn't know how to say it. His heart is beating so fast in his chest. If confessing is this nerve wrecking when he already knows Dongmin likes him back, how scary was it for Dongmin? Bin got a few confessions back in school but he only confessed once. He was nervous but not like this. She wasn't his best friend, after all. "Do you still like me? That way?"

  
He doesn't need to ask, not really, he knows. But hearing it will make this easier for him.

  
Dongmin frowns, his eyes falling to the floor. "I'm sorry, Binnie, I can't help it…"

  
"No, listen to me." Dongmin looks up again; he seems confused, a little scared. "I like… no, I'm in love with you. I'm, I'm sorry for not realizing earlier, for making you cry. I really…" He exhales, inhales shakily. "I really love you."

  
If possible, Dongmin's eyes grow even wider. He stares at Bin for a moment, unmoving, as if he can't believe what he's just heard. And then tears well up in his eyes— he lets out a small, choked up sob, his shoulders shaking.

  
"Hey," Bin whispers, startled; it's not how he imagined Dongmin would react to his confession. He gently wipes Dongmin's tears away. "Hey, don't cry."

  
"Y-you idiot," Dongmin stammers. "I thought- you were going to say something bad- oh god, I can't believe this."

  
"I'm, I'm sorry," Bin apologizes helplessly. Shit, and he was so determined not to make Dongmin cry again.

  
Dongmin huffs and smiles, shaking his head— even through tears, affection shines in his eyes when he smiles at Bin like that. Bin's heart clenches and his body moves on its own— he wraps his arms around Dongmin and pulls him into an embrace. It's stupid but his eyes turn wet too as he holds Dongmin like this. He's so warm and solid in his arms, his breath, his heartbeat, Bin can feel it all and it overwhelms him, how much he loves him, all of him. How could he ever think otherwise? His heart feels like it's about to burst just from holding him like this.

  
"Say it again," Dongmin sniffs against his shoulder. Bin smiles, soothingly running his hands up and down Dongmin's back.

  
"I love you."

  
"Again."

  
Bin laughs a little and pulls back to cup Dongmin's face. His cheeks are still wet, fresh tears trailing down them, but he's smiling, and there's a playful glint in his eyes.

  
"I love you, Lee Dongmin." Bin's face is burning from saying it so many times but he doesn't mind. Dongmin deserves to hear it as many times as he wants.

  
"Again," Dongmin says, his smile growing a little wider; clearly he noticed he's making Bin flustered.

  
Okay, maybe not as many times as he asks for.

  
"Again what?" He pokes Dongmin's side. "Ah, you want me to do this again?" Dongmin laughs and squirms as Bin tickles him. "Again?"

  
"Ah, no, no, stop!" He backs away from Bin but there's nowhere to run to and he ends up pressed against the wall. He tenses, bracing himself for tickling, but instead— Bin leans in to kiss him. He can't resist anymore, Dongmin is so beautiful when he laughs like that and Bin has wanted to do this for so long.

  
He hears Dongmin's breath hitch before their lips meet, and he smiles at the fact he managed to surprise him. But as soon as he feels Dongmin's lips against his, he forgets all about that.

  
The kiss is chaste at first. Just testing the waters, their lips moving slowly— a gentle, sweet sensation. Dongmin runs his hands up and down Bin's arms as they kiss; the touch makes Bin's skin tingle. And then Dongmin lets out a small sound, moving closer to Bin, his lips parting— Bin accepts the invitation and deepens the kiss. It's better than he could have ever imagined, much better than his dreams. He feels the simmer sear his flesh, heat his skin, sizzle through to his bones. A surge of desire flashes through his veins— he presses himself harder against Dongmin, the kiss now urgent, filled with longing. His hands wander down Dongmin's sides to his hips, then to his ass. It's plump, soft under his touch, and he gives it a squeeze. Dongmin makes a small sound at the back of his throat, his fingers digging into Bin's arms. It sounds needy, so Bin does it again. Dongmin breaks the kiss; he's panting, his lips swollen and pupils blown. He looks so gorgeous.

  
"Binnie," he says, voice strained with desire.

  
Bin looks into his eyes. "Do you want to…"

  
"Do you even need to ask? I've wanted to, for so long."

  
"Oh?" Bin smiles, interested. He leans in to nibble on Dongmin's ear; Dongmin gasps softly when he gives the shell a lick. He sounds so good like this, Bin wants to make him moan out loud. "Did you think about me… like that?"

  
"Y-yeah…"

  
"Yeah?" He squeezes Dongmin's butt again, hard. He seems to like it as he inhales sharply, pressing closer to Bin. "What about? What did you do?"

  
It could be considered teasing but in truth, Bin needs a hint as to what Dongmin expects of him. Sure, he has his preferences but he likes Dongmin enough to go for a compromise if necessary.

  
"I touched myself. I f-fingered myself," Dongmin says breathlessly. Bin pulls back and their eyes meet; Dongmin blushes a bit harder. "I-I thought about you inside me."

  
Fuck. Bin is already hard and his dick twitches in interest at the words. He tugs Dongmin's hips forward, grinding their groins together. Dongmin moans and it's both the prettiest and the hottest sound Bin has ever heard.

  
"I thought about you too," Bin whispers, leaning in, lips brushing against Dongmin's ear. "About fucking you. God, I couldn't stop thinking about it, I just wanted to bend you over the nearest surface and take you."

  
Dongmin moans again, his eyes falling shut as Bin grinds against him. "Please. Binnie, please."

  
The raw need in his voice only turns Bin on more.

  
"Please what? Want me to bend you over something?" He's half joking but Dongmin just digs his fingers harder into his arms.

  
"Anything. Just- i need you."

  
Bin considers their options for a moment— they don't really have a lot of time, they have to leave for a schedule in about thirty minutes. And as much as Bin wants to take it slow, make their first time together feel special— hell, who cares, they can go slow next time. He just wants Dongmin so, so much.

  
"What if I fuck you here?" He grabs Dongmin's wrists, pinning him to the wall. "Against the wall, would you like that?"

  
"Binnie," is all Dongmin says, more of a needy whine than anything else. It's all the confirmation Bin needs.

  
"Do you have some sort of…"

  
Dongmin licks his lips. "Under the bed."

  
"Good. Take your clothes off."

  
Dongmin obeys instantly, his hands trembling as he peels his skinny jeans off his legs. In the meantime Bin finds the lube and retrieves a small packet of condoms from his bag— he mostly uses them not to make a mess when he masturbates in bed although he did start buying them when he was sleeping with a female trainee for a few months.

  
Bin smiles at Dongmin; he's still wearing the hoodie and even though he's naked waist down, the picture is more cute than hot. He helps him take it off; Dongmin laughs softly as they struggle with it. He doesn't give Dongmin time to feel embarrassed; once he's naked, he takes Dongmin's cock in his hand and Dongmin's lips part in a silent gasp. He strokes it a few times; Dongmin's eyes fall shut as he leans against the wall, biting his lip in an attempt to stay quiet. He looks so alluring like this, Bin can't wait to make him cry out in pleasure.

  
"Turn around," he says. Dongmin obeys quickly and Bin gets a good view of his round ass. It's a nice butt, no doubt. He slaps it once, not very hard but hard enough to make the skin flush. It's meant to be playful so he's surprised when Dongmin whines softly. Not bad surprised, though.

  
"Oh, you like that?" Dongmin just hums in response so Bin slaps the other cheek too, harder this time. Dongmin moans, pushing his butt out as if asking for more.

  
"Someone's eager," Bin teases, squeezing Dongmin's ass. It feels nice to do it and the way it obviously turns Dongmin on… he thinks he'll have a hard time stopping himself from doing it all the time from now on. "What else do you like?"

  
"Umm." Dongmin sounds a little flustered. "Dirty talk?"

  
Bin hums. "You're lucky, I'm good at that." He spreads Dongmin's cheeks, kneading them briefly, then rubbing his fingers against his opening.

  
"Bin, stop teasing," Dongmin pleads. "There's no time."

  
As much as Bin is enjoying this, Dongmin is right. He pours some lube onto his hand and slides a finger into Dongmin. The sensation makes Dongmin inhale sharply, his body tensing, but once Bin starts moving the finger around, he relaxes.

  
"Does it hurt?" he asks.

  
"A bit. But it feels good..."

  
Bin smiles at the reply and adds another finger. Dongmin hisses but he pushes back against his hand, wordlessly asking for more. Bin slowly moves the digits in and out, stretching the muscles. Dongmin is so tight and hot around his fingers, just thinking about putting his cock inside makes his breath catch. Every soft sound Dongmin makes goes straight to Bin's dick; he's uncomfortably hard in his pants now.

  
"Binnie, that's enough, please." Bin bites his lip. He loves hearing that desperate edge to Dongmin's voice, it turns him on so much he just wants to keep teasing him even though he can hardly wait to fuck him.

  
"Please what?"

  
"Binnie…" Dongmin whines.

  
"Beg," he breathes against the back of Dongmin's neck. Dongmin shivers, curling his fingers against the wall.

  
"Please. Please fuck me, I need your cock inside me, I can't stand it anymore…"

  
Bin can't stand it anymore either. He unzips his pants and quickly kicks them off. He quickly lubes himself up and rolls on a condom.

  
He gasps as he finally slides in, the heat of Dongmin's body enveloping him, squeezing his cock. It feels so fucking good he can barely stop himself from quickly pushing all the way in.

  
Dongmin tries to press back against him but Bin stops him with his hands on his hips, keeping him in place. Fuck, it drives Bin crazy, how needy for his cock Dongmin is, but he doesn't want to hurt him. He slowly eases in, groaning when he's finally all the way inside, buried deep in Dongmin's warmth.

  
"Ah, you're so big…"

  
"Feels good?" Bin asks breathlessly.

  
"S-so good… a-ah, I feel so full..." The last word turns into a moan as Bin wraps his arm around Dongmin's waist, pressing his chest to Dongmin's back, causing his cock to shift inside him. "Binnie, fuck me…"

  
At this point it's difficult for Bin to resist that plea. He starts moving, gripping Dongmin's hips hard, probably hard enough to bruise. He fucks him with a steady tempo, feeling Dongmin's muscles clench around him every time he pushes in. Dongmin is, unsurprisingly, quite vocal, and Bin briefly wonders if the others are going to hear them. 

  
"Ah, Binnie, I'm close."

  
"Already? You like getting fucked this much, baby?"

  
The pet name just slips but Dongmin doesn't seem to mind. "It feels so good…" he whines. Bin just picks up the pace and a moment later he feels Dongmin tense against him, his hole squeezing his cock as he comes.

  
Bin is not done yet, though. Dongmin leans against the wall, weak from his orgasm, so Bin pulls out and leads him to the bed. He pushes him face down to the mattress.

  
"Up," he says, slapping his butt. Dongmin sighs.

  
"Binnie, I'm oversensitive…" he complains. Despite that he does as he's asked.

  
"So you don't want me to fuck you?" Dongmin gasps as Bin spreads his cheeks and rubs his fingers against his stretched entrance. He's not cruel, he was thinking about fucking Dongmin's thighs but…

  
"Mmm, no, please do it."

  
"You sure?"

  
Dongmin turns his head to glare at him over his shoulder. "If you ask me again- ah!" His eyes fall shut as Bin pushes back inside, Dongmin's relaxed passage opening for him easily. He immediately starts fucking him, the thrusts quick and hard, making the bed rock under them. Dongmin doesn't move much, letting Bin decide the pace, moaning almost continuously into the pillow.

  
"You're hard again," Bin notices breathlessly. "You like my cock stretching you this much?"

  
"A-ah yes. It feels so good inside me…"

  
Bin is already close so he stops talking, he just fucks Dongmin hard, reveling in the way his ass squeezes around him. It feels so good he never wants to stop— but well, he's sure they're going to do this as often as possible from now on.

  
He comes with a moan, riding his orgasm out in slow, long thrusts. Dongmin is still hard when he's done, his ass clenching around Bin's softening cock. He pulls out, rolls the condom off and tosses it to the floor. Then he gently rolls Dongmin onto his back and spreads his legs, settling between them.

  
He leans down to capture Dongmin's lips as he slips his fingers into his stretched opening. He kisses Dongmin deeply as he fingers him, swallowing all of his moans. They grow increasingly louder as he massages his prostate, and finally Dongmin comes again, arching off the bed with a muffled whine. Bin is surprised to feel wetness against his cheek. He pulls back— Dongmin has tears in his eyes.

  
"Minnie? Are you hurt?"

  
"No, I'm just— happy, I guess." Dongmin sniffs, wiping the tears away. Bin chuckles and pulls him into a hug.

  
"It was that good?"

  
"Shut up. You know it's not about that," Dongmin laughs. "But yes, it was good. Better than I expected."

  
"You expected so little from me?" Bin pokes him playfully.

  
"Ow! No, it's not that! I meant sex in general."

  
Bin hums, leaning in to kiss Dongmin's hair. Then he pauses as the meaning of what Dongmin said dawns on him.

  
"Wait— you've never had sex before?" Shocked, he pulls back, raising himself on his arm to look at Dongmin.

  
"Um, not like this. Just a few handjobs with this one boy back in high school-"

  
"You should have told me, fuck, wasn't it too rough?"

  
Dongmin blinks at him. Then he smiles, and finally he starts laughing. "Binnie, oh my God. Don't be stupid." He runs his hand up and down Bin's arm reassuringly. "I'm not some fragile innocent doll just because I've never had sex before. And…" He pauses, licking his lips. "Um, I like it rough."

  
Bin snorts. "You're sure more freaky than fragile. Still, your first time should be..."

  
"Just don't say _special_."

  
"Memorable?"

  
Dongmin gives him the sweetest smile, and Bin has the urge to kiss it— so he does, leaning down to peck his lips.

  
"It was memorable because it was with you," Dongmin whispers, tangling his fingers in Bin's hair.

  
Bin scrunches his nose up. "Cheesy."

  
"Says the guy who wanted to make my first time _special_."

  
"I just can't win with you, can I."

  
Dongmin's eyes crinkle in amusement. "No, not unless I let you."

  
Bin pokes Dongmin's side, making him yelp, reminding him that he in fact can win pretty easily. "Let's go shower, baby. We have to leave soon."

  
"Mmm. Together?"

  
Bin grins. He feels light, he has the urge to laugh for no specific reason. He supposes he's just happy. "Together."

  
***

  
That familiar tension is in the air again. The scent of rain, the sticky humidity, the tingle of electricity, it all tells Bin that the sky is just waiting to snap at the world. He's tossing and turning in his bed, unable to fall asleep, even though he knows he should; they have schedules the next day.

  
He sighs, rolling onto his back, staring at the dark ceiling. Just sleep, he thinks angrily, squeezing his eyes shut. But they stubbornly snap open the next moment, even though he's too tired to actually use them for anything.

  
He's considering just going to the gym and running on the running mill until he's too exhausted to move but then he hears Dongmin shift in his bed.

  
"Binnie?" he asks, voice thick with sleep. He turns to him, squinting his eyes. "Are you awake?"

  
He sounds concerned. Bin knows Dongmin would understand— usually is the one having trouble sleeping. Bin immediately feels bad for waking him. He doesn't get a good night's rest often.

  
"Go back to sleep," he whispers. "I'm fine."

  
Dongmin sighs, clearly not buying it. "Come here," he says, moving to make space for Bin. Bin stares for a moment— he really should refuse and tell Dongmin to go back to sleep. But, sometimes sleeping with Bin helped Dongmin with his insomnia. Maybe it can help Bin. He leaves his bed and slides into Dongmin's. He lies on his side, facing him; Dongmin smiles at him softly and caresses his face with his hand.

  
"It's one of those nights again, huh?" he asks.

  
"…Yeah."

  
"Thought so. The forecast said it would rain soon."

  
It makes Bin stupidly happy to know that Dongmin knows the reason behind his sleeplessness, that he noticed. But then again, it's Dongmin, of course he did. He's always so attentive. Sometimes he remembers which snacks Bin didn't like even though Bin himself can't remember trying them.

  
"Sorry for waking you."

  
Dongmin brushes his fingers through Bin's hair, massaging his scalp. "It's okay," he says in the gentlest whisper. Those simple words sound more tender than all the love confessions Bin has ever heard on TV.

  
They don't say anything after that. Bin leans in to kiss Dongmin; it's slow and lazy, a little sloppy. Dongmin is smiling when they part and Bin smiles back, just staring at him. He's beautiful, but it's not about that. It's about how much Bin loves him— this is why he can't take his eyes off him.

  
Dongmin starts petting his hair again and it's so soothing, it makes the tension in his muscles slowly fade away. It's not long before his eyelids begin to feel heavy.

  
As he's drifting off, he decides Dongmin must have some mysterious magical powers— he can't even sense the rain in the air anymore. All he can smell is home.

 

 

 

\---

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**Author's Note:**

> i hope this wasn't too cheesy i... seriously got embarrassed writing it lmao... it's not exactly the kind of stuff i usually write i think. and i kind of got carried away with the sex scene  
> sorry for any mistakes, i'm my own beta and i'm lazy lol and this fic took so long to write  
> please tell me what you think  
> and as usual feel free to talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/catpawprints) or send me prompts on [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/kittyten)!


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